What Am I Really Protecting? My Heart or My Ego?

January 11, 2017

 

I can't let down my guard because when I do I start to experience this little thing called deja vu. They leave me, cheat on me, lose interest in me...but why? Am I bringing this on myself or is it just not my time?

 

You see, now I have to protect my heart because I don't want to feel this pain again...It's too much to bear. Crying for hours, locking myself away from the rest of the world...from those who actually care about me. I don't even recognize myself.

Is it easier to just avoid falling in love or is it worth it to take a leap of faith? I don't have the answer, but this natural caution can easily turn into a brutal defense system. This defense will make it hard to connect with anyone else that may try to come into my life keeping me away from love indefinitely...all because I couldn't let my guard down. What am I really protecting by building this wall? My heart or my ego?

I know I shouldn't have these thoughts and feelings of worthlessness just because he doesn't want me, but I have to wonder who am I without him? Lonely? Pathetic? Undesirable? Foolish? I know what I am supposed to say "I am beautiful, blessed, loved, wonderfully and uniquely me... a man would be lucky to get a woman like me". It will take time for me to believe that just like it will take time for me to heal from my loss...my broken heart...

The best thing for me to do is "let go and let God" and ask Him to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

 

-Anonymous (OPEN SUBMISSION)

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